Posted by: breathliftlive | 12/03/2011

Eggshells

Sorry it’s been a while since my last post. Things have been a little hectic with family and starting my new course!

Someone recently commented to me that stressful situations made their partner gamble and she was worried that recent tensions between the two of them, that weren’t gambling related, would increase the chances of her partner relapsing. I can completely understand where she is coming from with this one!

Tim and I were having a few ‘issues’ not too long ago. This time, it was nothing to do with the gambling, just the stresses of work, money and family. Tim was experiencing a lot of anxiety at work which he was bringing home. He was tired, stressed and agitated and whilst it’s been a while since he gambled, I was secretly praying that things would work themselves out sooner rather than later before he felt the urge to gamble as a way of solving his problems.

The important thing to remember is COMMUNICATION. You must talk to eachother and if your partner/family member needs to talk to someone else – a friend, counsellor etc – then let them do this. It’s far more important to discuss issues early before they become major issues and your partner/family member feels the only way they can relieve some of the stress is to to gamble.

The word often used around here is eggshells. There’s nothing worse than knowing there are problems and knowing the worst case scenario if these problems are not dealt with. Communication is something Tim and I have never been too good at, with eachother. We’re so much better than we were but it’s definitely a work in progress! We’re both very head strong (ok stubborn, what ever you want to call it 🙂 ) and neither one of us like to admit we’re wrong. If you need to talk about any issues, whether it be a problem between you and your partner/family member or if they are having issues with other friends/family or work etc, it’s so important to try and talk about it. If they (or you) are agitated and you know the conversation could end in an argument you can try ‘planting the seed’ but letting them know you are aware there is a problem and you’d like to discuss it when they’re ready. If they don’t want to discuss it right then, ask again a little later. Another way that has worked for us, which may sound silly, is to write it down. If both of you write down any issues and share it with each that way it creates an easier way to get both your points across without being interrupted or forgetting key points.If they aren’t open to discussing their issues with you, encourage them to talk to anyone. There are various help lines they can call or websites to visit, for example, Gambling Help Online – 1800 858 858 / http://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au – or there are several places available in each state that can be called or have websites to visit. If you’d like more information I’m happy to help.

Recognising when there is a problem “brewing” and talking about it together or with a counsellor is much easier than waiting for it to all blow up. Neither of you should have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

Keep going and keep working together, it will be ok.

Kate x

I’d love to hear from you. Email me at breathliftlive@hotmail.com or leave a comment below.

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